Back To Random Nonsense

There are moments that I feel like my father’s daughter… which isn’t ALL bad ;) We have the same cool thumbs (Mom’s are just weird!), we both don’t dance, we do not talk for hours in grocery stores (mom), we don’t like talking on the phone, and yesterday I added one to the list. I completely pulled a Dad. I was so SO excited for my new planner to come in the mail! It is Kate Spade (which is completely unnecessary) and UPS said it was out on the truck for delivery. Well it was 5 and no planner. I had checked the garbage bin 3 times already (that’s where the packages get left). So what did I do?? I stood in the entry way and stared down the driveway, waiting for the UPS man. Dad uses the dining room window at home… I becoming more and more like my parents. It’s not good!

Going along with that becoming your parents theme…. No one wants to go grocery shopping with me thanks to mom. I am OCD about how the groceries are put on the belt. Like extremely. Years of being training by mom has damaged me. If they aren’t my groceries, I have to take a deep breath and let it go. And I have to do dishes in the order that she made us. Silverware first, then plates, then glasses, next are the bowls, and then you can move to the random items. (this is a huge debate in the Rusch Household. Dad says the silverware should be last) I have been damaged. J

I don’t remember the last time I brushed my hair. That is what work from home does to me. Not that I ever did my hair before. If I was feeling crazy… I would straighten it. I am the worst girl. Honestly. I can put my hair in a ponytail, a French braid and a bun when my hair is long enough. Curling my hair doesn’t work, neither does the cute braids that are so vogue. My sister was already good at that. Should have made her teach me. Oh and my nails… always look bad. I paint them…. Sometimes… and then let the paint chip off. One thing that is good about Texas is that it is always hot, so I have to shave year round! ;)

I think this is so good:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/erietimesnews/obituary.aspx?n=laurie-ennis&pid=175540736&

The picture is absolutely perfect. And she has her glittery scarf on. Pretty awesome lady. Her tact was impeccable. Chautauquans are ridiculous, and she always smoothed the craziest things over. (and when I say crazy… I mean wanting a new South Lot spot because a bird was pooping on their car, crazy) The crankiest people left in a better mood. Well… she at least had tact to their face! Sometimes there was a slammed phone after someone called to complain that the plaza cam wasn’t working….again. J She nicely talked to them about it, and the conversation usually turned to how much it had snowed that winter because she drove by the sign everyday on the way to work … I would transfer them to the Colonnade. I need some of that tact. I have a little too much temper sometimes. I blame the red hair!

Today is my 3 year “Back to the USA” anniversary. I read my Timehop today and wow… I was not happy to be flying home. I only remember a few things from that trip:

1.       Cried when the taxi pulled away from my flat

2.       The really nice airport man who let my extra heavy suitcases go

3.       Feeling like I was flying to North Korea after walking under a huge photo of Obama to get to the USA portion of the Ireland airport. Uber creepy

4.       My carryon weighing as much as I did. They were both so incredibly heavy.

It all seems like a lifetime ago. Such a fake smile.

The Ted Baker and the Calvin Klein bags were my carry-ons. And I wore my sweatshirt and carried my laptop in my arms. The things I did….

I am starting to feel stuck again. And restless. This job has just been killing me lately. And walking into this cube farm everyday… a bit of my soul dies. (Dramatic yes, but seriously). Staring at a screen for 8 hours is just… ARGH. I am basically in a customer service role, just behind a computer. I help people with training stuff. And it’s so SO repetitive.

I need to be using my free time better. I need to be reading more. Something mentally stimulating. I feel like my brain has been sleeping for 3 years.

I had this to-do list in June and this is how it is coming along:

·         Train to run the Rock and Roll ½ marathon in Dec.

o   Not where I want to be at… the stitches didn’t help

·         Learn to play the violin (I have been squirreling away $ and prob going to just buy a cheap one)

o   Bought a really cheap one. Cant wait for it to arrive this weekend!

·         Read more, watch TV less

o   Found Frasier on Netflix… so Im failing on this front

·         Eat better

o   Was doing well until this past weekend when I ate my weight in Salt & Vinegar chips & ice cream

·         Work out more (kinda goes with #1)

o   Ehhhhh

·         School…

o   Applied to a teaching certification program at UTSA

o   Yeah decided against that… again. For the 15^th time

·         Look into UT

o   Email the director of the Holocaust Center

o   Didn’t respond

o   Take a tour

o   Work on essay

·         Study for the GRE’s

o   Hasn’t happened

·         Rock the GRE’s

·         Go to Austin

o   Really want to do this!

·         Buy old stuff in Fredericksburg

o   Need money for this one!

·         Go to Dallas and check out the art scene

·         Take an beginner adult ballet class

·         Making a 1-3 year life plan/goals

·         Get my pictures organized and printed- I did this!

·         Try Skeleton

Kinda need to get back on track….And I would like a life reset button please.

Oh and is it Friday yet?

Trying to Get Back On Track

There is a very dire situation right now…. There are TWO colors of Fiestaware that I don’t have. Anyone think I am certifiably crazy? (perhaps we shouldn’t go there). I also discovered HALLOWEEN patterns!! Look!!

https://www.fiestafactorydirect.com/c-228-fiesta-happy-pumpkin.aspx?pid=186

I want the pumpkins, spooky house, and the bat patterns to intermix with my orange, black and white sets! Again…. Not crazy. J

I rocked at making dinner this week. Rocked it. Chicken again… because that’s what the freezer was full of! For the first time in my 26 years, I got to actually use the bread crumbs that the recipe called for!! Mom and sis can’t eat them, so I have been deprived of normal food. Having a hot dog with a bun was the best thing ever and a treat!!! Same with hamburgers! I grew up without buns L The plight of being the normal kid. Anyways… dinner was good. Next week I may go all out and try to make ravioli. I have a cute little ravioli cutter… not sure it will work but I think Im going to try. Be sure to check back for the tale of disaster. J

I got an email today… $1 off of a blizzard at DQ. I just stared at it. I used to forward them to Laurie. The default DQ store on my blizzard rewards account is the one in North East. It was sad to change it to the one here on Thousand Oaks. I printed it out and will have to take a trip to get a blizzard this weekend.

I shoved the half-finished quilt and its scraps under my dresser during one of my outbursts. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ll deal with it later. The cards have found a home under there too. I almost recycled them in anger, but shoved them in the bag along with the quilt instead.

I cant get home for the service. I found one flight that works… into Cleveland on Friday and out on Sunday. Only thing is that it is $300. With Thanksgiving, Christmas and going home already… I don’t really have $300 to go, plus a rental car. Not too happy about it, but nothing I can really do.

I failed at finding a sympathy card that I didn’t absolutely hate…. So I got a nice embossed blank card. The only problem is that I have to fill it with my own words, and I am now four drafts in and still not anywhere close. I want to say “Sorry, I don’t really know you all that much but your mom was awesome. It really really sucks that she died. Miss her tons.” Probably not the greatest sympathy card so… I continue to write drafts.

Everything is getting somewhat better. I still have a heavy heart, a hurting stomach and a sense that something is missing… but hey… Im surviving. If you know me, you know I don’t share my feelings so these last few blog posts have been out of my norm. I think Ill be ok now…. Until Saturday at 1pm my time when I officially am missing her service. Then Ill be ok until I go home. I think It will hit me then… no stopping by the CHQ to have lunch anymore. I think in an odd way this trip will help… and doing my own little Laurie tour/tribute will help me be ok missing her service. Hopefully. I haven’t spiked a diet coke yet, so I call that a win.

I have been rattled these last two weeks… and its kinda given me a push. I feel like I always hear people say that after a death of someone close, but I think its time to stop making decisions with my head. I have always analyzed everything, thought through everything, done the safe/responsible thing. Maybe it’s time to do something g a little more gut oriented… and a little more daring.

I Am Angry

Today I had nothing to do besides run to the grocery store and pick up the house. Nothing to do but to think. Yesterday I was really busy… ice skating with my family, babysitting really well behaved, adorable children and then falling into bed. Yesterday I could ignore everything. Today… today I had time to think. Today I am angry. Very angry with the universe.

I am angry that in June, after I had asked her for her favorite color, rushed out to get fabric to make her a quilt. I carefully cut out all of the squares and started sewing it together. It looked awful, which would be perfect. She would have thought it was hilarious… my fail at sewing. That was part of the smile factor… here is a quilt I made you, sorry it’s so ugly. I am angry that it is sitting on the dining room table, still half finished.

I am angry at the stack of cancer cards that are sitting on my dresser. They range from cancer sucks, to I’m thinking about you, to get well. I am angry that I sent only two over the course of the 2 and a half months.

I am angry that my last card/letter didn’t get to her in time. I spent so long writing it and filling her in on everything that I didn’t send it until last week. It wasn’t even that important. I told her all about the new Lego Big Bang set I got, about my stitches, and how on some days when Watson is being a terror I think she is right about the only good cat is a dead one. The post office person sent it priority… said it would get there on Saturday. I doubt she ever saw it, considering she died Saturday morning.

I am angry that I didn’t go home when Katie/Adam/Dom were in NY. I could have seen her then. She told me that I should come home in the fall and she could see me then. I am angry at my childlike naivety that I just believed she would be there in the fall.

I am angry that she died before I could see her, and too far away from when I am going home to go to the service.

I am angry at sympathy cards. They get to join the club of stupid cards. Stupid generic cards with oceans on the front. I am tired of crying in the card aisle.

I am angry at the NY Times crossword puzzle today. I can’t get very many of them. I just got mad instead.

I am angry that she didn’t get better. She was supposed to you know, and come down and hang out by the pool. That was the plan. Get better and hang out at the pool. I was going to be a stop on the Laurie Ennis Tour. (long story)

I am angry that I assumed she would be fine. A hard fight, but everything would work out. We could hang out in the fall, and laugh/tell stories/catch up. I thought there would be more time. Everything was so fast.

I am angry that she never wanted to be in photos… always insisted that she take them instead of be in them. I have pictures of the crew, but not her.

I am angry that it took me 5 minutes to think when the last time I saw her was. Turns out it was pretty appropriate… Tasty Acres. We had lunch last fall when I was home, chicken fingers and all. They were getting ready to close for the season, so they were out of almost everything. We had to get coleslaw, and we were both bummed about it.

I am angry that I didn’t call her back in June/July. I keep replaying our last phone call over the last few days. We just both cried for an hour. She said that she would call to tell me about her scans. She never did. I didn’t know if I should call… maybe she didn’t want to talk about it. So I would just text random stuff, stupid stuff. I remember after we were sitting on the phone in silence, both just hanging out crying, we decided we should hang up… she apologized for being sick and “unloading all of this on you”. Typical Laurie. She is the one sick, and she was telling me sorry. She said what she always said when we hung up “Anna, keep in touch”. I said ok and that I would see her soon, in the fall.

Lauren is right…. Laurie sure did hate goodbyes. When I left for Texas it was pretty awkward because I hate them too. She made me go outside, (which was good because the office was a bucket of awkard by that point, and really tense) and we stood on the sidewalk, next to a golf cart and both cried. (we were both embarrassed that we were too… neither of us were fans of crying in front of the other person) We didn’t say much, just handed each other cards and insisted on the other person to open it out of each other’s company. Then she said that she had to get something out of her car (which we both knew she didn’t) and we parted ways.

Social media has helped the last few days. Everyone sharing their Laurie stories. And I think everyone has had a diet coke in her memory. I have to remember next time I see her, to tell her how crazy she is. Man that stuff is gross!

I know that she touched a lot of people and that I should be focusing on how awesome of a lady she was… but I’ll have to do that tomorrow. Today, I am just angry.

Tears and Laughter

“…And no words to tell you how much I admire you leaving.”-Laurie Ennis

Whenever I had doubts, I would pull out that card that Laurie had mailed me right when I moved down here and read that last sentence. I pulled it out again this morning to read the entire note, because I lost a one of my favorite people at 1:30am this morning. I am 26 years old and haven’t ever lost anyone close to me, so in that regard I have been very fortunate. It’s the first time that I am experiencing all of the wide range of crazy emotions, shock, sadness, thankfulness, relief and the anger. Its also the first time that I truly understand all of the clichés I have heard over the years. And while I have cried a lot of tears over the course of the day, I have also laughed in remembering all of the good times. I will miss her wit, her stories, her just straight up calling me out, her support/encouragement and most of all her friendship.

Today I am focusing on how incredibly grateful I am that I had her in my life. A crappy summer job allowed me to form a friendship with a great lady. She impacted my life more than I think she knew and next time when I can’t make a life decision, I’ll just remember her looking at me and saying “Really Anna, I think you have already made your mind. Just go do it.” Im not sure that I would be in Texas without her. I am not sure London would have happened either. I was so on the fence about London and one day she just called me out about it. Straight up called me out and…. it helped. It wasn’t the “its your life… your choice” advice that everyone else was giving me. She just flat asked what the hell I was doing not going to Christies. She always gave me that kick out of the door that I needed. I wish she could help me out one more time... I am in need of a kick instead of the advice everyone has been giving me lately.

I drank a Diet Coke today. It was horrible… don’t know how she liked it that much! I barely got the entire bottle down! I ate peanut butter M&Ms too. She always yelled at me for being so polite and asking if she wanted any every time I opened a bag. She always did, and the bag always somehow ended up on her desk while she was yelling that she shouldn’t be eating any candy. That last winter at CHQ, before I left for Texas, was the best time. Phones were slow and Scott, Laurie and I would sit in the office, with way too many academic degrees among us, and kept a witty banter going. There wasn’t ever a dull moment. Even on the bad days, there would be a running joke to get us through anything. Those are the days that I am focusing on today.

(I had a dream about that by the way last night. A vivid dream of us at the office. And I knew this morning when I woke up something was wrong and went straight to my phone. Kinda creepy)

I can’t wait to take a walk around CHQ when I go home and go on the Laurie Ennis tour. Although she won’t be there, the stories that she told will be. Crazy things always happened to her…. Always. And the way she reenacted them always left us with tears in our eyes and sore abs from laughing so hard.

I will always think of her when I see a diet coke, eat/drink Walsh's products (that purple sludge), go to DQ, see Lean Cuisine, white PT Cruiser, whenever I lose my keys, and the wood chipper scene in Fargo, just to name a few. For the past year I have been thinking of her telling me "Anna... why do you want to go to Texas?!? Its hot as hell there... hot as HELL" whenever I get into my car. Im sure that I will continue to do so, however maybe with a few tears a long with my smile for a little bit. And blue and white plates... she glued them to her kitchen wall in CHQ.  It was so cool. She didn't stick the Wedgwood plate that I got her up there though. I think that got a plate holder :)

I am really going to miss those hour long phone calls. We would have to schedule them via email or text because we knew that they would last that long. Someday Laurie and I are going to have a lot of catching up to do. In the meantime I hope there is an endless supply of Diet Coke, blizzards, M&Ms, golden retrievers, basket making supplies and New York Times crossword puzzles for her. Hopefully someone up there has a good sense of humor too… they are sure going to need it.

I know that Laurie would say that her dying doesn’t get me out of 2 promises that I made her, so I still have work to do. The one… “Don’t you dare stay in Texas forever” and the second....well a little more important, and harder to fulfill.

So Laurie, to say I miss you is an understatement.  Thank you for everything.  Just so you know... I still cant finish a crossword puzzle without you. Until next time….

“You know what Anna? I already mastered making a basket on land, now I just need to get the underwater part down. Then I could literally teach Underwater Basketweaving” -Laurie

Wedgwood, Appliances and Not Really Coping Well

“Drink with me… To days gone by. To the life that used to be.”

-Les Miserables

OK so apparently I have hit that point in life…. The point where one is excited about small kitchen appliances. I got a new blender. Yes, I am excited about a blender. Is that sad? I am trying to make smoothies. I even pinned a bunch of recipes one Pinterest. I hate eating when I get up in the morning. I hate breakfast and eating so quickly after rolling out of bed, so I am trying to drink my breakfast. My favorite so far…. Raspberrys/Peaches with Almond Milk and a dash of Vanilla. It’s like ice cream but healthier… and for breakfast. So in. Ill try to get up early enough on office days to make one before I have to leave. The blender also came with a food processor so I am excited to make salsa with veggies and such. Really.. its sad how excited I am. I am going to need mom’s asparagus soup recipe. I LOVE that stuff. Looks like liquid snot, but tastes AMAZING. Mom… expect a phone call. Or maybe just email me? :) The purchase of the blender is a little sad though…. If/when I ever get married I officially only need a vacuum cleaner and a Kitchen Aid mixer. Seriously. I have EIGHTEEN sets of Fiestaware, every kitchen gadget ever, and a coffee maker…. I have everything. I could use some Wedgwood China…. Wedgwood & Bentley Anthemion Blue please.

http://www.wedgwood.com/collections/wedgwood-bentley-anthemion-blue

Or the Renaissance

http://www.wedgwood.com/collections/wedgwood-renaissance-gold

In other random news... I would like a Vespa please. I am currently taking donations J

Ok so I wrote that part up there this weekend, and it is now Monday so there are some updates. I tried the food processor yesterday to make salsa… I am officially in love with a kitchen appliance. I didn’t have to chop anything (well basically. I had to roughly cube the veggies to make them fit into the processor) and it looks like salsa instead of large chunks of veggies that I had to hand chop. Its not that I cant cut veggies… it’s just that I hate doing it. It reminds me of my worst job that I have ever had… Bellinger Hall food prep. The job itself wouldn’t have been bad, if my co-workers would have been slight human and not complete monsters. Anywho…. I love food processors.

                                                                                      Salsa!

I was at Macys this weekend, wandering around trying to find a cute maxi dress or something for the Cruise theme work party that I had. Well I got frustrated pretty quickly and decided to meander to my FAVORITE department…. The dishes. I found the Fiestaware section and drooled over the new Slate color. It is such a great color to use to POP a bright color. I hated it online… love it in real life. I still am not a huge fan of the sage, just because I don’t know what color you put it with. Anyways… after spending a ton of time touching everything in that section and walking away empty handed (please be proud) I headed to the china section…

I love china. It’s so pretty. I was standing in front of the big back wall that displays all of the sets and was deep in thought about the Kate Spade Lenox line (thinking it was everyday china… but who uses china everyday, especially the girl who has 18 sets of Fiestaware shoved under the guest bed in NY) and this guy slides up next to me and says “Would you like to start a registry?”. I start laughing and before I knew what I was saying, I blurt out “Well… if you had Wedgwood maybe we could discuss that”. He just stands there staring at me for a minute and then… very loudly proclaims… “GGGGUUUUURRRRRLLLLLL you got tasssssttttteeeeee.” To which I confidently respond… “I know… just can’t afford it”. We then had an in depth discussion on the Wedgwood patterns. (see above for my 2 favorites) If you don’t really know me, you are missing some key information.

1.       I have a master’s degree in decorative arts and the ceramic lectures were like Christmas

a.       I don’t say that lightly…. I am a huge fan of Christmas and to this day I can’t sleep on Christmas Eve. Pretty sure my sister still has a pretty scary voicemail proving that fact

2.       I love Wedgwood. Jasperware is the best… but their china. Stellar. I went to their factory when I was in England. It was the highlight of my year (that didn’t include the Olympics/Diamond Jubilee) The trip was a little touch and go thanks to the buses… but I made it there and back!

http://www.london-christies.blogspot.com/2012/07/wedgwood.html

3.       It’s my life goal to own some Serves. LIFE GOAL…. So I have pretty high standards. (Yes, I am aware that it is French. It’s a fact I just need to overlook)

4.       A Chippendale china cabinet is the only “brand” that Serves and Wedgwood can sit in so… that’s a problem. (google it if you have no idea what Im talking about)

5.       I have always had champagne taste on a tap water budget.

Anyways… the guy that works at Macys was pretty cool and it was a fun/random conversation. I am getting better at talking to randos apparently. I guess that’s good?

In a recent post, I was talking about how long it has been since I have been home and how this stretch of time is a record. Well… guess who has a flight home for 8/29! I will still break the record, but just barely! I can’t wait to eat my weight in junk food. I am going to be putting siding on a house for a week, so I have decided I can eat wings galore!

So besides a Vespa, I am also taking donation for the house below:

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/3-W-Terrace-Ave_Lakewood_NY_14750_M48748-40494?source=web

It’s been for sale for ages. It used to be beautiful… until they slapped some brick on the front and ruined it. Anyways I am going to open a pub and name it the Willesden Green. Lunch and Dinner menu only, and very small British fare. Little tin dishes, tea time stuff (excuses to buy china?) Maybe a B&B? Just need a little over a half of a million dollars. Too bad that it is in WNY… where the tourist season is 9wks to coincide with Chautauqua’s season. And there is nothing around there.

Speaking of nothing around… I miss London. San Antonio just isn’t it… it’s not my permanent settling down spot. I miss the ballet. I could go for 10/15 pounds (yes it was in the nosebleed but still!) to the Royal Academy and watch a ballet. I used to wander into free museums on the way home from class to see renowned artists. Argh. I miss that. I miss art and expensive antiques… but at the same time I feel like it is such a frivolous industry. Spending millions on great pieces… of paint smeared on paper. Im still stuck on all that is wrong in the world lately… I think I am cut out to do more… something bigger than a PhD and studying art. We shall see though.

This week has been rough. I need a pause button… a pause to delay the inevitable. A rewind button to go back and soak in the good/fun times. A really really good friend is ill and the news this week just keeps getting worse and worse. Im so far away. So so far away. All helplessness and worrying. So... the girl who doesn’t deal with emotions is...well... running. It helps. Somewhat. A month or so ago, I complained about the greeting cards on the market. Well I have decided that I hate them. Hate them all. I just got so angry, standing in Walmart, looking at all of the stupid bright/cheery “Get Well” cards. I wanted to scream. They were all so stupid. They didn’t say anything remotely close to how I felt. I wanted one that said “This isn’t fair” and “I’m so angry” or “I have no idea what to say… but Im thinking about you.” Instead all of them said something along the lines of “you will be up and about in no time”, or “get well soon!” or all these stupid jokes or over the top sympathy with flowers. Honestly… I stood in the aisle and cried. So… obviously Im not coping that well with things. So I run….

When I was at home for the longest year and a half of my life… I was in charge of dinner at least once a week. I wasn’t too bad.. at least I didn’t kill anyone! Some recipes were way better than others, but that was half of the fun. Well…. I know I have been saying this for a year… but I am trying to not act like a college kid in terms of food. I am trying to actually cook and not just make pasta or… chicken nuggets. Last night I made Charred Lemon Chicken with Capers. This is what it was supposed to look like:

 

It didn’t look that good, but it tasted pretty good! It had wine and butter in the sauce. Can’t go wrong with that. Just missing the heavy cream! It wasn’t as good as the Chicken and Caper recipe, but it was pretty good. Leftovers for tonight.. maybe it will taste even better after the chicken has soaked in all of the sauce J

Random Tidbits:

1.       My hair is almost long enough to put up in my “im stressed” bun. Im very excited. My hair fits in a ponytail now too. #lifeisgood

2.       I wish life lessons were easier to learn, and less painful. I need to keep in better touch with people. Im reeling from the news of my friend. Wishing I had called more often… just didn’t always have time for the hour long calls. Hour long at least. We would pick up from where we left off. I should have made more time. I shouldn’t take having a person in my life for granted.

3.       I think Im going to buy a cheap violin. I want to learn how to play.

4.       I bought a new camera for San Fran and now need to make sure I keep using it. I want to take up photography again. Im not the best, but its something fun to do.

5.       I need to use my free time better. I need to be doing fun things that I enjoy, pursing things, and figuring out my next step. I am falling into a comfortable rut and I can’t stay in it

6.       I still want eyelashes for Lucy… and that Star Wars sunscreen. Lucy needs accessories :)

7.       I think it’s time for a new adventure….

Im still working on San Fran… stay tuned

Cars, A New Record and Gorgeous Dresses

“If you can’t stop thinking about it, you shouldn’t stop working for it”

– Random Internet Article

This week I have been dreaming of London. Can’t seem to get it out of my head.

A few months ago I stumbled over a brilliant designer that I had never heard of… Antonio Riva. I LOVE his stuff. LOVE it. All in satin, these gowns are completely stunning. At work this week I was wandering through some of my favorites and found the link again. I noticed that he has showrooms in Japan, Russia and Italy. That is so NOT a good sign. What makes it even worse… no prices listed online and no way to purchase. If you have to ask… you can’t afford it. So I have officially decided that it is time to meet a prince. Harry? (Is that too much red hair? I have a feeling it is) I somehow have to pull a Grace Kelly in order to ever get one of those dresses. Also… I would like to have to wear gowns like this to events. Like the Met Gala for example. If I ever go to the Gala/a red carpet event… I will wear Antonio Riva.

The main topic of this post??? Cars in Texas. Ohhh my goodness. It’s a daily struggle. Literally. It’s hot here in Texas. Oh so very hot. Poor Lucy sits outdoors for 8 hours a day in the Accenture parking lot. Every day after work, I emerge from the office, simultaneously blinded and hit with a wall of oven hot heat. I stumble to my car, fumble with my keys and toss my bag into the passenger seat. First thing I do is crank the a/c which feels like someone is blowing a hair dryer on high into my face. Funny thing is that I go through this ritual every day so, you think I would learn that the worst thing to do after just turning on my car is to put my sunglasses on my face. I sear the skin on my nose and sides of my face every.single.time. By this point Im sweating, in pain and saying nasty things. When I say sweating I mean sweating. Its gross. On a dress day I unzip, on a shirt and pant day… the pant legs get rolled up and I strip down to a cami/sleeveless shirt. Whatever I have on. I am sure I look ridiculous… but I really don’t care at all. (I am pretty sure that at some point this back fire and I will forget to re-gather myself when I stop on an errand on the way home) Crystal and I take walks around the parking lot at work, and the other day I saw the coolest sunscreen:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/170e/?srp=2

How cool is that? (the answer is cool… in case you were wondering). I love Accenture because there are so many nerds like me there. I get compliments on my star wars lunch box every time I use it. Im seriously considering the sunshade.

When one gets a car in WNY, one of the first things you do is throw a blanket and a scrapper in the trunk. The snow brush is self-explanatory… it snows and therefore you need to wipe/scrap/chip it off your windshield. (the quality of the job always depended on how cold it was outside, and how late I was to work) The blanket… courtesy of worried mothers. Their logic: If you go into a snow bank or get stranded… you will need a comforter. Mine is my sister’s old one… it’s all rainbow colored and I have never ever needed it. (Not because I never ever put it in a ditch, but because there was a plow right there and I didn’t need to bunker sown in Lucy under a blanket.) Here is where the crazy part comes in…. both objects are still in my trunk. The worst part… I can’t bring myself to take them out. It would be the nail in the coffin. Me being a southerner. Also a blanket could come in handy… a picnic anyone?

I grew up with dump trucks, hotwheels and mud. That being said… if I ever cave and become a crazy, truck driving Texan and get rid of Lucy for some reason (she would have to be too old to carry one) I would get this:

http://www.drivetuscany.com/tonka/

Yes it’s a Ford… But TONKA!?!?! Yes please. They also make a dump truck. A legit, real life size Tonka dump truck. I unfortunately have no need for one, but maybe Dad and I can convince mom that he needs one?

I feel like it’s time to admit a fact that I have been denying for quite some time now. I make fun of Texas. This isn’t a secret. It is an entirely different country down here... and ask basically Texan, you are Texan first and American second. They put their Lone Star flag on everything (I still understand the Lone star. Why is there only one? And why is that a good thing? Last time I checked 5-stars was good…) and they are conservative, truck driving, gun loving, cowboy boot wearing crazies. Anyone noticing something?? Besides the Lone Star Flag on everything, I just described Panama/Ashville NY and the majority of Chautauqua County. I see more people wearing cowboy hats and boots in Busti then I do in San Antonio, and Western New Yorkers are just as proud to be from that desolate town as Texans are to be from Texas. It’s almost like I am home at some moments.

Random thought…. Isnt my little nephew the CUTEST?!?! Aunt Anna had to get him his first national team soccer uniform. England is one of my favorites (Hello David Beckham!) I can’t wait until he is smart enough to NOT eat Legos so I can buy him all the sets!

 

 

 

Soccer… I would like to say that I am getting better and actually playing well but, I cannot. Im out of shape, have zero leg muscles, and am not using my head at all. (in terms of making good decisions) It is so incredibly frustrating. The things that have in my head (and used to work and work well) end with me losing the ball. I make mistakes that I would yell at my girls for. It’s pretty pathetic. Oh and one more thing… what is it with co-ed sports down here? In co-ed indoor at home, my goal was worth the same as a guy… 1 point. Down here, it is apparently so miraculous that a girl can score that they are worth 2 points. WHAT?! So a team can score 3 times and lost to a team that only scored twice. (a guy scoring 3 times vs. a girl scoring twice) How messed up is that? Grrrr. Its so annoying.

As of August 12^th, I will be gone from WNY for the longest stretch of time that I have ever been, 228 days. The previous record was the 227 day span from post-Christmas to August. 20^th when I came home from London. I didn’t miss WNY (or the States for that matter) at ALL during that stretch. This time around, I am not distracted by an amazing city simultaneously hosting the Olympics and celebrating Her Majesty the Queen’s Diamond jubilee. Summer is the best time to be in WNY. Back country roads, windows down, music blaring…. The lake… and I am craving the food. I had a dream about a Wegmans sub. How sad is that? Ever since that dream, however, I cannot get Honest John’s wings, Alfie’s Chicken Wing Soup, Johnny’s Hot Dogs, Tim Hortan’s Ice Capp, Wegmans Chicken Finger Sub, General Store Similar to a Cuban sub/wings, and my mom’s brownies out of my head. It’s a good thing I am not going home right now… I would gorge.

Jan 6^th (left WNY after Christmas) - Aug 20th (cried as I walked got off the plane at gate 8 in BUF. Yes in public. I had to sit in the plastic chair at the gate to tell myself that I could walk to arrivals without crying.) = 227 days

Dec 27^th (got a plane to come back to San Antonio) - Aug. 12^th (still in San Antonio) = 219 days

This milestone of breaking the “Anna away from WNY” record has gotten me thinking about the stages in my life, and how much I changed through them.

                                                                Pre-College: Oh how uneducated, naïve and innocent I was! Clueless about the world ideas, cultures, problems and uneducated in general. I was in a shell of conservative thinking in a small “don’t ask questions/question authority” school. We were taught to regurgitate information, not think for ourselves or come up with our own opinions. Oh and a bunch of Honor’s students complained that we weren’t learning our in long distance Calc, we were told it was our fault. Thanks for the help with that one PCS….

                                                                HWS/Pre-London: I am getting smarter, more and more liberal, and exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking. Im becoming more independent and able to think for myself. I was so eager to emerge from that place, full of knowledge and drive. I was going to change the world and make tons of money doing what I wanted to do, live where I wanted to live, and everything would be awesome. (so maybe I was still naïve)

                                                                London: Suddenly I am an adult. Had to move out/find a flat/set up bills/get a bank account/deal with a landlord and completely become self-sufficient… all in a new country, alone, in a very different time zone that limited calls with the USA.  It was the best “growing up” period and the fastest/cruelest I had ever experienced. Lot of tears later, I was completely independent, much more educated on the world, completely in love with everything British, confident and did whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted.

                                                                Post London: Depressed… reverted right back to the girl I was when I was in college. Angry at Western NY and the lack of “worldiness”, mad at customers who saw me as an uneducated retail/customer girl, and too exhausted from 4 jobs to have time to fix anything. More than anything I was mad at HWS… for the promise of the great things that were to come, the amazing thing that we graduates would do in the world, and how we would use our 4 year academic career, and that prestigious piece of paper to do great things. (there goes the naivety perhaps, but HWS wasn’t exactly to blame) Then there was the pressure and the most annoying question… “what are going to do next”. I got to the point that I was taking deep breaths to be polite in my answer. The frustration that I lost my independence to living at home just added to everything else.

                                                                San Antonio: I feel like this has the healing period. The “get back on my feet” period. Im not there yet there though. Take today for example… spent the day applying to jobs. I have a better job, a mostly independent living situation and am starting to feel like an adult again. There is that nagging cloud in the back of my mine saying “It could be better. Don’t get comfy. This still isn’t it” I think I have fixed everything that was wrong in Ashville in my Post London period, except for the job.

My stiches have left a scar that no scar cream can help. The coloring has gotten worse. I don’t really mind it I guess… its just a bit bright right now. See:

 

I am going to end this crazy and random post. Next time will be about San Fran!

 

 

All of What's Wrong in this World... 4 examples

So…. This post should be about San Francisco, but I have been on a rampage lately about the world. So this post is going to be a product of that rampage. I am sorry ahead of time. If you are one of those people who don’t watch the news because its “depressing”… 1. Wake up. 2. You really need to read this.

The topic that started it all a few weeks ago with this:

http://jezebel.com/what-life-is-like-when-getting-your-period-means-you-ar-1542273510

Just read it. Menstruating girls shunned from society, unable to go to school and not even allowed in the family home. I thought this was appalling… a culture that needs to shift and provide support/education and proper supplies for menstruating women. I was all in a tizzy over that until this past week when I read this journal from an OBGYN with Doctor’s without Borders:

http://womenshealth.msf.org/chapters/journal/

800 women die per day from childbearing related complications. The worst part is that they are mostly preventable. A culture of giving birth at home without prenatal care causes complications which family members do not always recognize. They wait too long to go to a hospital and because of insufficient ambulances and modes of transportation, they often arrive too late. Add that to the culture of the rape of girls/young women and not allow legal abortions. Then add in that babies born outside of wedlock are destined to be shunned along with the mother and you get a desperate teenager who sticks a rod or stick up her in a desperate attempt to abort the baby. Due to their embarrassment.. the young girls wait too long to get medical help and arrive with stomachs full of pus. I was ranting about this journal for days. Makes me want to be a midwife and buy a ticket to Sierra Leone.

I love John Oliver. I watch his show every week and usually always get frustrated. I wish he was my best friend because 1. He is British. 2. He is hilarious. 3. He is smart. 2 weeks ago the topic was food waste in America. It’s appalling. What is even more appalling is the number of people who go to bed hungry at night when perfectly good food gets thrown out. The reason it doesn’t get to the people who needs it? It COSTS TOO MUCH. Argh. Watch the clip below. Im sure you will be frustrated after the 17mins 49 secs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8xwLWb0lLY

I absolutely love soccer. Everything about it and the World Cup every other year is 1 month of pure awesomeness. I live and breathe soccer, scheduling my life around games. The World Cup in 2022 is going to be held in Qatar… and I will not be watching. Neither should any of you. I watched the Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel and was enraged. I knew the migrant worker situation was bad… but I had no idea. I can’t find the clip on the internet but this one from ESPN360 sums it up well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJYXgMigfpo

4,000 workers are expected to die in a modern day slavery/indentured servitude. 4,000 lives. I will not support an event/organization that allows this to occur. I am hoping that the international community does something to stop this from happening in Qatar… but Im not optimistic. If FIFA won’t put an end to it (they are the most corrupt organization in the world so I am not holding my breath), then the international soccer community needs to. Boycott the Cup. This is worse than the Berlin Olympics in my opinion. The USMNT needs to stay home. The big stars of soccer need to as well: Brazil, Portugal, Germany, etc. The sponsors need to pull their support too. Visa, Coke, McDonalds and Adidas all need to back out but, almost as importantly, Nike, American Express, Pepsi and other major companies would have to not step in to take over the sponsorship. Qatar 2022 should not be happening.

Other tiny topics that have bothered me the last few weeks:

1.       The Confederate flag thing: this northern girl doesn’t get the need to fly it. Last time I checked, sides that lost wars tend not to be allowed to fly their flag in the place in which they lost the war.

2.       It’s sad that we have to make laws to be nice to people. I don’t care what you think/or how you feel about people… it is really that hard to be nice to people anyways? Goodness.

3.       The shooting at the recruiting stations was horrible… armed randos sticking themselves outside to protect them is stupid. Goodness.

Ok I think I’m done getting the venting out. The next post will be gleeful and fluffy. Promise.