Back to San Antonio

I needed a life reset. I was hoping that getting out of San Antonio and going home would be just that, a reset button. I am not sure that was what I got… I was so busy and never alone, that I never got “sit quietly and think” time. I didn’t even work out that much (besides hauling wood!). I only went on 2 runs and 2 bike rides. (Let me tell you… I MISSED Texas’ flatness on those 4 occasions. My “block” doesn’t have a flat part at all! Man those hills kicked my butt!) It was good to get away, but I didn’t get much time to relax, and I reset when I have alone time…. Something I had zero of.

I have officially decided that I am nowhere near ready for offspring. (I am sure that shocked none of you) I am two rows behind a girl who looks about my age, all alone, with a small child. (maybe 1.5 or 2 years old? I don’t know children so Im not good at telling). She is incredibly embarrassed that her little girl is crying on the plane. She looks like she wants to disappear into her seat. Pretty sure if someone offered her a rag and some chloroform, she would gladly accept both. She is doing everything in her power to entertain the tiny human, to no avail. It looks absolutely exhausting. Guess who is not selfless enough to volunteer to create one of those at this moment? Just the thought of traveling with a child… argh. So do you not travel unless you drive? But then you have to pack all of the required essentials for the tiny human. Guess who isn’t ready to pack bags in order to go to the grocery store, or out to dinner. (can’t imagine doing that either!)

According to… well Im not entirely sure who… “Money Can’t Buy Happiness”. I would like disagree. To some extent anyways. Obviously money can’t buy everything. And the things it cannot buy are pretty big and substantial. I would, however, like to point out that it does help a LOT, and as a 26 year old girl… it would solve a lot of my problems. If I didn’t have my loans, I think I would be a lot freer to do more things. I think I could take more chances. $500+ a month expense is pretty big, especially when it keeps happening every month for the next 5 years or so. I can’t exactly choose not to pay it for 4 months. No loans = $500 extra a month that I could be saving. I could travel with that. I could save that. I could quit my job and find myself with that. (that’s a little extreme, but you get my point). Traveling all over the world is a whole lotta happiness. I could go to Stromboli, go find Loch Ness, or buy a vintage car to take road trips in. $500 a month… that’s $6,000 a year! So… if someone wants to help me prove that stupid saying wrong, I am taking donations! ;)

I keep going back to that coffee “date” yesterday with Al. It’s a “going home” tradition and honestly it’s a bi-annual ritual that does wonders for my sanity. We are never fully satisfied with our lives when we meet, and he is the only person in that town who has never thought that I was crazy for wanting more. Nothing we bounce off of each other is too crazy, no trips too wild, no ideas too weird. We are completely honest with each other (sometimes to a fault). I keep going back to our conversations over the years… how our goals have shifted, problems evolved and views have changed, but how our frustration has, for the most part, remained the same.  He is the only friend who has really been on the same page as I have been in every dept. of life.

We are basically the last two holding out from our graduating class, planning our next trip instead of a wedding. That hour and a half was the only chat in which I walked away optimistic about the future and the potential it holds. I always leave contemplative and frustrated though, knowing that we have had these talks for at least the last 9 years. Its starts the same way every time… we plop down somewhere with a coffee or beer, ask the loaded question “So, how’s it going?”, we sigh, and start to vent. What I love about our talks… we never ask the “so what are you going to do to get there?” or badger each other on it. We just shoot the breeze and… it’s always good to see him.

My food list for the journey home was extensive, and even though every social engagement included food, I didn’t get to any of my spots. Its ok, because I never want to eat again after having it feel like Thanksgiving for 9 days in a row. I did get the big one…. Duffs Wings. They are the BEST. And I had Tim Hortans a few times. I missed Wegmans, Johnnies, and Alfies…. But I am sure they will be there next time. I really never want to eat again though. Argh I feel so gross.

I was tired last night when I wrote my blog, so I glazed over the Chautauqua visit. It was so good to go, although I have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth regarding that place. Once one sees behind the curtain, you can never go back. How many years was I there getting yelled at? Way too many. While I made friendships with the ticketers, and a few other on the grounds, it really wasn’t fun. You never realized how badly you get treated until you get a real job and see how a company is supposed to treat you. How lucky were we that all of us had Laurie. I was wandering around and almost every good memory had Laurie in it. I think Im over CHQ, what it is supposed to be vs. what it is. I know the area relies on the economic benefits of the season but… argh. We all stayed one extra year for Laurie. I was so happy to see that the Praying Mantis was still sitting in her front yard. I laughed out loud. I am glad that I did my own thing to remember her. It was good to do. I miss her.

My spider bite got pretty gross. See:

I had a dream last night that spiders were hatching from it. It was terrifying and disgusting. The sad part… I turned on the light at 1am to make sure that there weren’t any spiders spawning from my leg. Yeah… sad. In my defense I was really sleepy and the thing itched like CRAZY!

Back to real life. Argh. That is never fun. I truly need a vacation from this vacation! I am thankful that I have Labor Day off to regroup! I need to get my butt in gear in terms of running for that half marathon, and eating better. I never want to eat out again. Ever. I am going home to zero food though, and a holiday the next day. Who knows what I’ll get dig out for food!

Oh in case you needed a visual of my crazy. See I am missing TWO!: