I am an introvert. Full blown introvert who needs to be
alone to recharge. Being alone for me is a chance to relax and regroup. I don’t
think my friends always understand that. There are some nights that I really
just need to say, I am sorry but I need some alone time. It’s nothing personal.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy spending time with you… it’s just that I
need to recharge my batteries. Wanting to be alone doesn’t mean I am sad, or
depressed either. I just need quiet time without having to talk to people.
For me parties, and meeting new people are both exhausting.
Small talk is taxing. Oh how I hate small talk. I love listening in group
conversations, more than talking. Not because I don’t have an opinion, but
because I am making new connections in my brain, forming my thoughts and…. well
honestly… making impressions of the people I am with. These sum me up:
Even if I know the people that I am hanging with, I still get
overwhelmed. I have seen a LOT of people this week and I have loved seeing
everyone... but last time I completely shut down. I couldn’t handle the
talking/questions from mom and dad so I went upstairs to get quiet time. I was
exhausted from talking and being social.
Ahhh the country. Everything moves slower here. Literally. I
don’t remember the last time I drove at 35 miles per hour. I feel like every
road is 35 or 45. It’s only the back roads that you can get up to 55 on
(besides the highway!) Driving is SO much better here. So relaxing!!
I am starting to realize how pretty it is here. I have
missed the lake. A lot. When I am a multi-millionaire, I may add a summer house
in Lakewood to the list of houses. (flat in London, apartment in NYC and house
in Geneva are already on it) If there was an economy here, I may have actually
stayed. But there isn’t anything here. There aren’t any jobs. (Especially for
an art history major)
I got bit by something Wednesday morning. I am thinking a
spider since I have never had a bite this bad, this big, this gross, this
painful, this disgusting. The only thing that helps is ice. I even have had to
sneak downstairs at 4am to get some. Today it started to ooze. That was so
pleasant. I put a band-aid on it when I went outside to get in the last tree.
It itched so badly that I just wanted to take the chainsaw and chop my leg off.
I hate itching. I hate when that is all you can think about.
This week has been FULL of one question. “So Anna, How is
Texas?” What a broad question. I never knew where to start, so I usually just
said “hot”, although I knew that was not what they meant. I am so glad I went
to Texas. I needed to go. But it’s not it yet. The second question “are you
still applying to jobs” always tripped me up to. Yes, and no. And the famous
third question “so what is it that you want to do”. That is where I gave up
trying to answer, and changed the subject.
Thursday was the Laurie Ennis Memorial tour. (I don’t like
adding the Memorial part in there). I parked at the Main Gate and went in to
use the bathroom. Argh. The feeling of walking in there. I walked around the grounds,
hoping not to really run into anyone I knew. I stopped in the bookstore to look
for a dumb mug, hoping to find it. Alison and I had bought one for Laurie and
it said “Chautauqua, Uniquely Yours for Making Memories”. I don’t remember how
Alison and I edited it, but I remember doodling on it with a sharpie. I really
wanted one, but they didn’t have them. The bookstore had sold them what… 3
seasons ago now?
I stopped at Tasty Acres and got the chicken finger basket
to go (with waffles fries, honey mustard and ranch dressing of course!) I just
hung out by the lake and ate lunch. I went by the big landmarks with the best
stories. It was good to do, and slightly sad. I think I smiled more than I was
sad though. Such funny stories.
I had coffee with Alex today, and it was the perfect way to
end the trip. We have always been on the same page. While everyone is getting
married and having kids, we are trying to decide where in the world we are
traveling to next. I always walk away from those coffee sessions feeling
restless, and wanting to embark on the next adventure. I also walk away
frustrated and contemplative. I just took a drive after. Makes my cube feel
even more constricting.
I thought this week would be relaxing… but between getting
in 5 trees, installing a swing, fixing a bridge, and having a crazy social life,
I haven’t had a free moment to myself! I cant decide if I want to go back tomorrow
or not. I am ready for quiet time, but not for work! And I will miss the green,
the lake, not needing shoes, and the lazy driving. There are few feelings
better than a back country road, loud music, and all of the window down!
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