Tears and Laughter

“…And no words to tell you how much I admire you leaving.”-Laurie Ennis

Whenever I had doubts, I would pull out that card that Laurie had mailed me right when I moved down here and read that last sentence. I pulled it out again this morning to read the entire note, because I lost a one of my favorite people at 1:30am this morning. I am 26 years old and haven’t ever lost anyone close to me, so in that regard I have been very fortunate. It’s the first time that I am experiencing all of the wide range of crazy emotions, shock, sadness, thankfulness, relief and the anger. Its also the first time that I truly understand all of the clichés I have heard over the years. And while I have cried a lot of tears over the course of the day, I have also laughed in remembering all of the good times. I will miss her wit, her stories, her just straight up calling me out, her support/encouragement and most of all her friendship.

Today I am focusing on how incredibly grateful I am that I had her in my life. A crappy summer job allowed me to form a friendship with a great lady. She impacted my life more than I think she knew and next time when I can’t make a life decision, I’ll just remember her looking at me and saying “Really Anna, I think you have already made your mind. Just go do it.” Im not sure that I would be in Texas without her. I am not sure London would have happened either. I was so on the fence about London and one day she just called me out about it. Straight up called me out and…. it helped. It wasn’t the “its your life… your choice” advice that everyone else was giving me. She just flat asked what the hell I was doing not going to Christies. She always gave me that kick out of the door that I needed. I wish she could help me out one more time... I am in need of a kick instead of the advice everyone has been giving me lately.

I drank a Diet Coke today. It was horrible… don’t know how she liked it that much! I barely got the entire bottle down! I ate peanut butter M&Ms too. She always yelled at me for being so polite and asking if she wanted any every time I opened a bag. She always did, and the bag always somehow ended up on her desk while she was yelling that she shouldn’t be eating any candy. That last winter at CHQ, before I left for Texas, was the best time. Phones were slow and Scott, Laurie and I would sit in the office, with way too many academic degrees among us, and kept a witty banter going. There wasn’t ever a dull moment. Even on the bad days, there would be a running joke to get us through anything. Those are the days that I am focusing on today.

(I had a dream about that by the way last night. A vivid dream of us at the office. And I knew this morning when I woke up something was wrong and went straight to my phone. Kinda creepy)

I can’t wait to take a walk around CHQ when I go home and go on the Laurie Ennis tour. Although she won’t be there, the stories that she told will be. Crazy things always happened to her…. Always. And the way she reenacted them always left us with tears in our eyes and sore abs from laughing so hard.

I will always think of her when I see a diet coke, eat/drink Walsh's products (that purple sludge), go to DQ, see Lean Cuisine, white PT Cruiser, whenever I lose my keys, and the wood chipper scene in Fargo, just to name a few. For the past year I have been thinking of her telling me "Anna... why do you want to go to Texas?!? Its hot as hell there... hot as HELL" whenever I get into my car. Im sure that I will continue to do so, however maybe with a few tears a long with my smile for a little bit. And blue and white plates... she glued them to her kitchen wall in CHQ.  It was so cool. She didn't stick the Wedgwood plate that I got her up there though. I think that got a plate holder :)

I am really going to miss those hour long phone calls. We would have to schedule them via email or text because we knew that they would last that long. Someday Laurie and I are going to have a lot of catching up to do. In the meantime I hope there is an endless supply of Diet Coke, blizzards, M&Ms, golden retrievers, basket making supplies and New York Times crossword puzzles for her. Hopefully someone up there has a good sense of humor too… they are sure going to need it.

I know that Laurie would say that her dying doesn’t get me out of 2 promises that I made her, so I still have work to do. The one… “Don’t you dare stay in Texas forever” and the second....well a little more important, and harder to fulfill.

So Laurie, to say I miss you is an understatement.  Thank you for everything.  Just so you know... I still cant finish a crossword puzzle without you. Until next time….

“You know what Anna? I already mastered making a basket on land, now I just need to get the underwater part down. Then I could literally teach Underwater Basketweaving” -Laurie