One Last Reflection

I had topics for this post today, but like last Saturday this post has had a subject change! The old topics to come! Below some reflections on a life well lived:

I was dreading today…. Missing Laurie’s service. Feeling guilty about not flying home.

That being said… I am forever grateful to Danielle and Google Hangout. Danielle was awesome and let me watch Laurie’s service today from her phone. I was already set for my own quiet reflection when Danielle was awesome enough to suggest it, so I spent an hour and a half floating in the pool on my raft with a diet coke, staring at a bright blue sky, and listening to great stories about Laurie. I was reminded of things that I had forgotten, and learned many new things about her. I am so grateful that I got to hear those stories, and sing along to the White Christmas singalong. (I made sure I was on mute!) When the service was over and the phone was turned off, I choked down my last few sips of diet coke and floated in silence… and realized a few things.

I have been so caught up in me not being where I want to be lately. For the last three years actually! I am realized… the job, money, items… that’s not what it is about. I am not nearly as smart as Laurie was, or as witty, but I have two degrees from decent institutions that I am not using… and I am very frustrated about that. But floating there I realized, that’s not what education is about. No I may not be using my art degree on a daily basis, but that doesn’t mean that my degree hasn’t made me better. My four years at HWS shaped me, my thinking, my ideals, and my views. Just because I am not appraising art, doesn’t mean the time earning it was useless.  

The remarks and stories about Laurie made me realize that it isn’t about the job, the cars, money, lifestyle that you have that marks success. It’s about how you live your life. Laurie lived it enormously well. Her success is the number of people she impacted, how being in her presence made you better, made you laugh, and she always taught you something…. Whether it was something about life, something academic, or something about yourself. She made me realize that it’s about looking on the bright side when something goes wrong, finding laughter in everyday things, and following the beat of your own drum. I remember her storming into the office after the worst dinner out with people that she had ever had. She starts to angrily vent, and by the end we are crying from laughing so hard. Or the time she spent all night trying to figure out what to do when Welch’s was leaking grape waste into a river. That started the never ending purple sludge jokes. She turned everything into something good.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style” –Maya Angleou

I have always loved that quote. It was my New Year’s Resolution this year, and I as read it I now think of Laurie. She lived life just like that. Her style was unique, fun, crazy and hilarious. Her humor, sometimes corny which made it all the better. Her compassion, huge. I think mischievous should be added into that. She had a mischievous smile and twinkle in her eye right before she cracked a really good (or corny) joke.

I said before that I was grateful to know her, and that she impacted my life, but I didn’t realize how much until I was floating in that pool today. Yes, she gave me the kick to go to London (after asking me why the hell I wasn’t going and me not being able to articulate an answer I wasn’t completely embarrassed about). Yes, she told me I needed to get out of CHQ for bigger and better things in Texas (and then chuckled, saying that everything is bigger in Texas you know). But it is more than that.

So yes, I don’t like my job. Laurie didn’t either. But I can’t let that define everything. I can’t be so caught up in not liking my job and trying to figure out where I am going that I lose my mojo. (already lost… attempting to find it)

So Laurie, thank you. Thank you for giving me huge shoes to fill and an example on how to live one’s life. A much needed reminder on what is really important in life. You will be so missed, but always remembered in everyday little things. Next time something goes terribly wrong, I promise to laugh, not scream. No words to describe how grateful I am to have known you. No words to describe how much you impacted me. No words to describe how much I will miss you. Until next time.